conduit

i have something to say
it is yanking at my tongue
and i open my mouth to say it
and all i can do is gag
this is not even happening in my mouth
it is like deep in my brain
it brushes against me but i am asleep and when i wake i only have
the sensation
of having encountered something
nothing else
i do not even know what it was or what it wanted
only that it came from the mouth being pried open in this moment
we might have to break its jaw

i will say this
research is divination
when the thing circling your mind and dripping off your tongue into your mouth
finds its way out of you and onto a page or the ground in front of you, or your friend says the word you have been speaking only to yourself while you brush your teeth
when you encounter someone else's thoughts somewhere and you realize you are tapped into something
when all you can think about is Prince for the last week, sort of lubricating the world around you with him and who better to lubricate with honestly, and you sign up for someones digital workshop on Venus and at the end of their post they link to purple rain and state that Prince is what we need in the midst of it all. and there he is again on the playlist your friend made for these times. a.c times.

i will say this
the thing i am grasping at
has no substance
i can, will only grab it
when i give it substance
but i have to make its substance
from scratch
without knowing
what i am making

but i know one thing of its essence:
it is charged

i am turning
those waves of electrical horses
into muscle grown over bone
do you hear me
i am heating
but this is not a flame
or iron cast
or a liquid boil
this is heat that crackles when
unseen particles rub
this is the heat that will
jump start
your heart
and rewire your mind
this is heat that hits
so fast
i cannot be seen
it cannot be undone
because the time it takes
to realize it is there
is longer than
the time it lingers
so i have to find a way to hold it
its called
being a conduit

joseph beuys and dane rudhyar had mars in gemini.