it is so strange

to have committed inside of yourself 

where no one sees

in the moments alone

where no one hears 

that you are changing and have changed and will continue to do so in the direction that you know you are here to be oriented towards.

when you stand and find this blue pearl on the head of a pin placed there and you move a bit and watch it move and you start to feel the attachment of your equilibrium and its balance and then you realize your soul is finally lining up inside of your body when you are paying that much attention and it is becoming much easier to keep the soul inside of your body and the orb on the head of the pin. 

and so you are committed to this practice, to this harmony to this change and shift and looking all directions to find a direction but the only direction that seems to not fit is the one everyone is saying we should all take. and you are committing inside of yourself to change into the person you want to be through being that inside to be it outside to be it in relation. and you are committed in your bed before you fall asleep and in the morning you commit to making the commitment the first thing you think of. and all the while the world keeps being as it has been on its face. it keeps asking you to do the same things. over and over. keep responding the same way. keep answering its repetitive calls that everyone is saying they want to send to voicemail. keep on keeping on and accepting the way things are. keep shaping yourself to these laws. 

yet you are aligned to something else now. 

and you will hold to that. 

and you will become what you need to regardless of every other thing that happens in the world around you, regardless of what you are told you are supposed to do in a situation no one has ever lived through by others who have too never lived through it. because if you keep fast to that alignment maybe you slip through this seemingly flat glass surface of reality, and find the flatness and smoothness and two dimension of the three dimension a total illusion. somehow you find a place to slip into the moment: the one after you exhale, before you inhale where you find yourself totally empty. in the space between a thought and another thought, in a moment in between seconds, in the experience of how you got from one side of the room to the other. if you find yourself in those places there might be these answers you never imagined or could not or would not because it all seemed so set. because it all kept going and acting and reacting to itself and believing that it had to to be the good and the bad (who is who is up to you) and that no matter what your slant there was a way to do things. 

this is not for lack of other options, there is a way to do things only because it is all we are letting ourselves come up with.

and even the ones who are bad, the bad ones, they are only playing their role because they cannot think of anything else to do with their time here. not because they have some power but because they have no imagination. which really renders them powerless. 

the material world obfuscates power. real power. power is transference of energy, of constant shifting, sifting, melting, molding, harmonizing and folding. the material world creates a set dressing where everything is in place and immovable, big and hard and tangible and that is what we have decided power looks like. 

this is not about having. its about something else. of course one wants to have, in so much as having brings ease and comfort, in the material world. why be here if one has to be uncomfortable the whole time? what is the point in having come here to perpetuate some idea that others have to be uncomfortable for you to be comfortable and thus creating a precarious, uncomfortable world that you have to live in too.  that is too far a overtly in some lives subliminally in others. objectively one is easier to ignore. but none of it need be. 

you may think the grocery store is comfortable. but it is not. you think it is security because it has proven to have everything you desire every time you go. but one day it may not. and then you will not have vegetables in your garden because you do not have a garden. and no one you know has a garden that can feed us. all the energy and time you spent making lists to go to the store to orchestrate meals and planning and driving and navigating, could have been given to planting and growing and harvesting, seeds in the garden/ seeds in your heart/ seeds in your mind. and you might be at the whim of the wind or the rain or the cold or some insects but you would not be at the whim of a company you cannot reach, at the end of a chain of which the next link is a locked truck linked to a locked warehouse linked to hidden workers linked to hidden land linked to hidden money linked to boards in big buildings and the web of only a few individuals personal wealth and comfort. 

your food is too far. that is more literal than metaphor.

it is about something else though. the material world is here, why do we make such a big deal of it? just use it and return to it to keep the cyclical abundance full and enjoy it and take pleasure in it. we have been here long enough we should not still be fighting about it, say nothing of destroying billions of years of seamless regenerative processes. it is a big deal if one wants to awe and wonder and take joy in it, it is a big deal to feel and sense this world, but fight over it? fight over something that is the only way for us to know we exist? 

no this slip through the crack like right when the tectonic plates open up to move, its a slip in a moment where one returns to somewhere else that is where everything ever possible comes from. and you just have to slip through some opening in this seemingly seamless plane of sensorial reality to get there and then you can start touching other possibilities and bring them back here. pull something out of the slip and back up into this reality so there is suddenly a form on this once imagined completely smooth surface.

the answers are here and they are not here. just as you are as close to disappearing as you are to being. the separating membrane is thin and porous and permeable. you could diffuse right through it if you want to. but you keep it together here to experience, to hope to contribute. feeling, sensing, is addictive. one step left, the smallest choice changes your life every time you make it or do not make it. the answers are here and they are not here. they are somewhere else and when we bring them back here they can be translated with the abundance of material paired with the physical laws of those materials to create solutions to these simulated problems. this society is afraid of not existing if we relinquish these problems, on so many levels: psychological, personal, interpersonal, cultural and global. and it is true, we would not exist, not like this. but it seems we are all tired of existing like this. 

so why not see what happens if you let yourself just slip. 


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