the nature of your genius the genius of your technology the technology of your nature. the concentric inverting flow of it all around the nucleus of you.
i keep witnessing the passing of days from the computer, telling myself tomorrow i wont. telling myself i am doing this for the future where i walk out into the woods and never look at a screen only the sun and the grass and the soil. i am entangled though. a little promise to myself. there is a timeline. i will not do it forever.
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gene: to birth, to beget
generosity is an act of creating, of creating relationship by giving of that which you generate to the world around you.
i have tried to write something for months. and i have, wrote, many words many thoughts. but i have not known how to share any of it. it is not that there is not anything to say, it is just that the written lands so heavy, sits like granite. or maybe that is some defensive perception. maybe i have interpreted the world around me to be completely unable to interpret the written as anything but literal, solid, cement, statement of fact. and the truth is i do not want to write to prove, to tell, to make statements that are not up for interpretation, investigation, implementation of ones own ideas. at the same time i do not want to write subliminally. i want to write directly, honestly. like a block of granite levitating, that can be slid across the surface of air as though it were skating on a thick sheet of lake frozen over.
i only wish to choose a place as the point to get to, in order to know the coordinates at which it sits, to know how to get there so as to explore the geography around it and thus know why it has the nature and form of it in the context of the environment in which it is oriented.
listen, we are all, always, experiencing the same transits of the planets in the sky, but in different ways as they apply to our specific natures. so as uranus (the first of the three modern planets of our solar system discovered by high powered telescopes) the planet corresponding to electricity (sighted just thirteen years after the famous key-on-a-kite experiment) moves through the sign of taurus (the most earthly sign in element and modality) we are collectively experiencing the meeting of the most unpredictable and volatile state of matter with the most consistently predictable (that is until it is not) state of matter. anyway, taurus is a strong influence in my life, my moon there in the ninth house - the realm of the search for world view. to say that i am floating out in the middle of the sea of the unknown, untethered, is...well...true.
sometimes, often, i am not completely sure i believe in anything. in art. in writing. in astrology.
the thing about a void of belief is that you become untethered, to seek, expand. and in that expansion can be found the truth that you know nothing of everything that everyone ever has believed or of believing itself, because it is not knowing in the end it is feeling. it is not the once soft crown of your skull but the ever soft deepest tidal gulf of your chest. there are arterial connections between the hearts of all visions.
the only point i can return to, to keep wandering out from in an intentional act of expansion rather than in a desperate search of crisis, is this place up on the top of a hill, where the sun reaches me, where is sit, trying to decipher what is believing and what is real, i imagine like husking shells of a grain.
because there is that which is materially before me: the ground, the moon, the sun, the sky, the ocean, other beings, my own body. there is natural law. whether or not it is a "simulation" of my brain is relevant only after i can accept that it is, currently, as it is. only after i need no convincing that it is, that what is, no belief is required.
belief is something for possibility. which always exists inside of what is, but is not necessarily the thing itself, yet. everything is made of cells of possibility, any of which could grow and metamorphosize that form, being, into something else, or become through the binary fission of expression/ gesture/ reproduction. but the possibility is not the thing itself. the thing itself is the thing itself. one cannot define oneself based on a hypothetical situation: what one would do or would be.
today i saw my neighbor doing something that made me tear up. if someone had asked me yesterday "do you think he would do _____" i would have probably said yes. maybe if someone had asked him yesterday "do you think you would do _____" he might have said yes, since we can, of course, predict ourselves based on past choices and through those choices become more certain of our nature. but the action would have still been hypothetical.
it is difficult to figure out where i am going from there. i think it is towards this thought, the one that often keeps me from writing, the one that is continually convinced of the power of action over word, the power of showing rather than telling. it is easy to know something, to even understand something, but to be it. that is different. that is real. that is world making. but of course, words make worlds. before my neighbor was doing, and now has done, the action, he was not that person. and yet, he is not that person, as stone. he is someone who did that thing, that time, yet there is no guarantee he will do it again. action is not identity, identity is not fixed. identity, for all intensive purposes, i am not sure even exists. identity, at least, is as all other phenomenon, words, and modes, living. it seems to be predicated on the confusion of the application of hypothetical future choices and the rigid clinging to previous choices to the present moment of existence. all of which can be used as a gauge to predict, which has it's necessary use in terms of how much evidence is supporting it and what, how much, is being weighed and risked against the evidence.
prediction, though, so often gets in the way of growth. prediction closes us off both from the potential of the cellular structure and, even, can keep us from seeing what is truly in front of us. there are living equations in this world between probability and the intersection of identities that are, in fact, the facts of the current iteration of reality.
in situations in which we intersect with another's *perceived* identity, we are both the object and the subject of projective prediction. through the cultivation of self-awareness --- leading to understanding one's inherent dispositions stemming from individuality, experience, conditioning, and biology (the osmosis of traceable patterns between these realms is frequent and the point of origin not always, if ever, precisely located, nor, perhaps, relevant --- at least not from the current point of evolution) we can observe ourselves in both positions, and trust our observations, while simultaneously knowing that we will not necessarily be seen by the other person. nor should we need to be, for they too could be observing themselves in both places of object/subject. assessing how to move through the experience according to their knowledge of themselves. somewhere, in here, i feel, the necessity of prediction/ projection/ and the subsequent fear of those predictions and the judgement inherent in them, falls away. because we have taken responsibility for ourselves, by acknowledging the reality of who we are in relation to the situation we find ourselves in created through the meeting of another.
when we take responsibility for ourselves, (fear of) judgement falls away because we are, in real time, deciding who and how to be, rather than looking to the other to tell us who we are, we, through conscious action, show them. each time we do this, we gain more clarity, we practice it, so that in the future, while each situation is not exactly the same, we have a library of experience to go off of.
i am not sure. writing about this still feels like telling. and writing about anything risks the claim that these ideas are ones own. i own no ideas. i do not want to own ideas. they ride in on electrical waves from the ether of atmosphere inside and outside of my skull, through my head down my spine into the crevices out my eyes and my mouth. besides, these ideas are passing through everyone, on some level, right now, and have been in all who have ever been before.
ideas, biologies, systems, values, beliefs, these are teknos. technologies. they are the apparati. the language of gesture, movement, vocalization, sound-making, rhythm, that, that is technology. technology is communicating yourself to the world around you through the material experience in order to bring yourself into the world and thus, shape it. if one is not treating their mind, body, life as a technology, within whatever terms and rules - or not - the individual (not the consensus) uses to define, for whatever purposes that assign to it, align it with, then one is simply waiting for another to do it for them, and will find, that the world will indeed be shaping them, and that they will be dissatisfied, because the world does not understand them. it is not supposed to. the world cannot understand that which does not understand itself. so you learn about yourself, know yourself so well so as to become so fully that self that the world cannot ascribe anything other than what you are to you and must learn to interpret you. but the world cannot tell you who you really are. the world can only offer you shapes that have been before, and will not have a mold of your exactness, which is that which has never been before.
--- these are from inner to outward movements, the capacity for which can be obfuscated by the very real conditions set to control people, calcified membranes meant to appear impermeable by way of threat of violence. it is a part of the acceptance of reality that every individual will perceive ones own relation to these conditions, known through experience, lived in this life and historical. this understanding is essential to realizing one's place in the subject/ object paradigm of moment-to-moment situations, in which the choice made has everything to do with the state of matter in which these membranes exist.
this is what technology, biology means. living. everything we do, know, perceive, sense, think, feel, propriocept, is living. everything that exists here is living. it must be, to exist. every individual is the nucleus of a cell of the systems in which we live. the systems are concentric around us. not all cells function in the exact same way. this language, talking about ourselves as nature, for some reason it seems sentience is resistant to it - this is western lineage, the notion of being mechanical so as not to be organic - as though we lose our autonomy, our choice in being a part of a whole that has an essential nature. yet we are always seeking our essential nature, as though it were not particularly obvious.
this is a proposal that the only essential nature is to be. to be alive. to be living. so much so that all that we make, feel, say, express, perform, think, is too, alive. these systems around us are living because they are made of us. because the ephemeral and material bodies that are formed and sustained by all of the living energy and matter that we offer and feed and acknowledge it. as long as something is alive it is both changing and changeable.
i fear i am saying nothing. i fear there is nothing to be said. i fear we will write ourselves out of the opportunity to change. i fear the dissolution of language as a necessary step to evolution. i fear all of this for the same reason humans are witnessing / have been witnessing, a holding of ourselves back from being the beings, the individual and collective expression, of ourselves that we are all, in the well of our hearts, sure we can be: fear. the very fear that keeps me afraid of losing language and thus from discovering what lies beyond language, the expansive possibility of it.
i fear none of this needs to be said because we are all smart enough, far along enough in the literal act of millennia of transformation through the process we deem evolution, our minds and bodies ready enough to accept that we can relinquish old ways. personally, i think we are in a kind of 90 degree angle transition for sentience. that splits, the perpendicular line going left or right. it is called a t-square in astrology. it is a point of tension because it is one of choice-making.
there was a moment, before memory and yet the memory is imprinted on the oldest layers of our souls, after a time when many things had come up to the edge of the ocean onto the land, so freshly solidified and emerged, and an organism finally stuck. to some rock, held on, crawled into some crevice. perhaps first in a tide pool then slowly practiced breathing, converting oxygen from atmosphere rather than water. it somehow learned to live. for some reason we assume this was easy. maybe it was, because sentience was not in the way, trying to make sense of why the organism was doing what it was doing, trying to convince it to stay where it knew how to live, rather than try to be something it had never been before. but it may not have felt easy. yet without self-consciousness the organism did not understand it to be difficult exactly and/ or did not question why it was doing something so difficult. i do not imagine literally shedding an entire body of skin is easy, that sprouting wings is easy. and yet, that is a human perspective entrenched in the notion of superiority --- that the natural world and all non-human creatures function without any sense of choice. maybe we just do not observe the caterpillars who do not choose to change, because, they do not change. maybe they all choose to change because it is difficult. i guess this is a little spiraling.
this moment, as we share it, is a similar point in time, to the up-from-the-sea-stick-to-the-rock-learning-to-breathe-and-be moment. as there have, in micro and macro ways, been infinite number of these points in the unfurling of life as niche and species on this planet. but here, we are finding ourselves as the expressions of life through sentience in human form, in a particular place. at a fissure in the evolution of evolution itself as it has the opportunity to become an act of sentience. if sentience is self-awareness, then are we not, subconsciously for all, consciously for some, aware that we need to evolve. yet confused as how to do so.
it seems that the natural evolution of the function of self-awareness of choice making would be the choice not only to evolve but also the choice of how to evolve, which has, previously, been an un-aware choice-making.
peoples have known and chosen how to evolve in cultural forms for a long time, through traditions of teaching and performing models and systems of how-to-be. often these systems and models have facilitated exceptions, either for specific individuals or coded in the very dna structure --- exceptions denoting being above and below the median of the practice itself, conceived of and enacted in a tower structure, rather than spherical form. the more hierarchical, the more invested in maintaining the illusion of separation, the more willing to practice acts of violence in order to control the perception and / or through fear, suppress the wide acknowledgement of the illusion. that is how cultures willing to enact violence on behalf of their ideas have literally shrunk or extinguished the cultures and or peoples who were unable to defend themselves against ethic-less mechanized violence. the reason that the globe is suffocating under the plastic tarp of supremecist values and practices, with the face of whiteness, wealth, and masculinity, is because that way of perceiving has evolved alongside and now necessitates violence. and violence kills things. therefore that which could have been, no longer exists or no longer enough to take on these powers of influence. that is the reason certain systems and bodies and images proliferate, not because the world was fated to become this way.
fear of this evolution keeps one from leaning all the way forward, so far they fall back into that undifferentiated consciousness that the salt womb of the earth of the basin of the maternal hip swells. this is because this is an evolution out of fear and all the devastation it creates as it reverberates through time and space. sentience has protected itself through fear, as so many evolutionary traits have, as aversion to that which has the possibility of destabilizing or possibly ending life. but societies can be built by technologies that through symbiosis and the understanding of natural laws, stabilize and secure so many of the dangers of the natural world. it does not have to be done through force, which will only be temporary anyway. people are smart enough for this. smart enough to live comfortably and securely as stewards of this planet, with this planet, as this planet. it is not new. why will we not believe we are smart enough. its a squeeze, between knowing and being. it's a place buddhist teachings speak of often, the hardest place between the choice you want to make and choosing that choice, thus becoming the choice and making the world in which that is the choice made. rather than wishing you had made the choice or imagining being the "kind of person" who makes the choice. that is where we are.
(this is why we have always known that inevitably, artificial intelligence, will eventually evolve to no longer be under the control of programming. our sentience knows this because it knows itself. it knows its own nature and genius because it is its very nature to be self-aware, self-knowing.)
fear also comes from the evolution of sentience itself. the capacity for rejection and the history of hurting, controlling, and even eradicating that which/ those who are not like "____." the desire and comfort that the psyche has developed - for a myriad of reasons - found in homogeneity. sentience is aware of the history of violence clinging to differentiation and thus activates mechanisms within the psyche to stop this evolution from occurring. this fear is in another way, internalized and reflected back on ourselves. it is what kafka and octavia bulter were talking about. waking up one morning and being an insect, waking up on an alien ship and being physically ill at the sight of the aliens. the radical change in perception of form and essence scares us. what if we are so very different than what we have perceived ourselves to be that we are wholly unrecognizable when we evolve.
this is where the assuredness in oneself is essential. the assuredness in the only essential nature that exists: to be living. if one is alive one is real and must be accepted as such in order to experience, fully, the potential that lies within them. all these earth years have us taking material form and expression so seriously. but it is just an experiment. that does not make it meaningless, but, rather, our meaning to make.
the niche is pure teknos. pure ingenuity. pure genius. it is the ever-hyper-specific, ever-expounding movement of a current of a vein of evolution into space through time branching off into new forms as long as life continues, in all directions and environments. genius to the romans meant the natural divinity that existed within every person, place, or object. to be is to be genius. genius loci was the site-specific energy or spirit. to be is to be genius is to be genius exact. exact as only you can be, in and of and because and through the time and place and form into which you were born.
each of us is a teknos. our teknos is our genius. our genius is our nature. our nature is to be living.
maybe we are the aliens and the angels we are waiting for.